Funeral Etiquette | Golnick-Schueneman | Kewanee IL funeral home and cremation (2024)

When someone you know passes away, your first instinct is to offer encouragement, help, and support to those affected — but you may not be sure what to say or do. It's okay to feel this way.

Does it matter what I wear? Can I bring the children? What should I say to the family of the deceased? When should I visit? Golnick-Schueneman Funeral Home offers guidance on the proper etiquette of visitations and funerals, so you'll feel more comfortable and prepared for attending services.

WHAT TO SAY

It can be difficult to know what to say to the family of the deceased to express your sympathy. To begin, offer your condolences to the family. If you are comfortable, share a memory of the deceased. In this difficult time, sharing the joy of the deceased’s life can help comfort the bereaved. For example, “I was so sorry to hear of Mary’s passing. She was always such a wonderful friend to me."

WHAT TO WEAR

When attending a memorial service or funeral, dress in dark and subdued colors, such as dark blues, grays, browns, and black. Be sure to dress simply and conservatively. Men are encouraged to wear a jacket and tie paired with dress shoes, while women should choose either a dress or a suit. Any jewelry should be subtle and traditional.

ARRIVING

When attending a funeral or a service, do your best to be on time. Try to enter the facility as quietly as possible. If there are no ushers present, remember that the first few rows of seats are usually for the immediate family and close friends. Acquaintances should appropriately seat themselves in the middle or towards the rear.

WHEN TO VISIT

Immediately upon learning of a death, it is appropriate for family and close friends to go to the home of the bereaved to offer sympathy and support. This can be a very overwhelming time for a family. Offering to assist with child care, food preparation, receiving visitors, or service preparations can provide immense comfort during this difficult process.

The funeral home is the best place to visit the family to offer your condolences, as they are prepared for visitors at these services.

FLOWERS

Sending flowers is a wonderful way to express your sympathy to the family of the deceased, and can bring comfort in a difficult time. Flowers are a meaningful gift that can be enjoyed during and after the funeral service.

Floral arrangements and plants can be sent to the funeral home to be present at services, or sent to the home of the family directly.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

Try not to give comments that minimize the loss, such as "It's probably for the best, because he was suffering too much," or "I've been in your shoes myself." These will not provide comfort to the bereaved

Wait for the family to discuss the cause of death. Do not bring it up yourself.

KEEP THE LINE MOVING

Visitations can be very emotional, especially when speaking with the family of the deceased. If there is a line to speak with the bereaved and view the casket, be conscious of keeping the line moving. After passing through the line, be sure to stand to the side to continue conversation, or allow the family member to continue to greet guests. The family will often be more available to speak following the conclusion of the service.

MOBILE PHONE USE

Smart phones should be turned off or silenced completely during the service. Checking your phone is noticeable and is a distraction to those who are trying to pay their respects. If you must return a message or receive a call, exit the service quietly.

CHILDREN

Allowing a child to attend a memorial or funeral service can help them say goodbye to a friend or loved one. It is important to not force a child to go, but instead encourage them to share in this tribute with the rest of the family. Before attending, help prepare them by explaining what they might see at the service.

GIFTS

This can be a very draining time for a family. The gift of food is a kind gesture that the family will deeply appreciate and help alleviate the stress of funeral planning and mourning.

Remembering children in the family is a thoughtful gesture, as this is often a difficult time for them as well. A small gift like a stuffed animal or a book is best.

Time is precious. Helping with household tasks ease the family's burden. Caring for pets, driving children to school, running errands, or helping around the house are wonderful ways to help the family.

Funeral Etiquette | Golnick-Schueneman | Kewanee IL funeral home and cremation (2024)

FAQs

Funeral Etiquette | Golnick-Schueneman | Kewanee IL funeral home and cremation? ›

When attending a memorial service or funeral, dress in dark and subdued colors, such as dark blues, grays, browns, and black. Be sure to dress simply and conservatively. Men are encouraged to wear a jacket and tie paired with dress shoes, while women should choose either a dress or a suit.

What is proper funeral etiquette? ›

When attending a service, be on time and enter the house of worship or location where the funeral will be held as quietly as possible. If there are no ushers, remember that the seats closer to the front should be taken by very close friends, with acquaintances seating themselves in the middle or towards the rear.

What is a good amount to give for a funeral? ›

If you are giving a donation in lieu of flowers, then donate the amount you would have spent on flowers. Typically, this means $50 to $100. However, the amount is ultimately up to you because it is the thought that counts and not the amount you donate.

How many sentences should be in a thank you card for a funeral? ›

With funeral thank you cards, no one is expecting a lengthy epistle. So, feel free to keep it short and simple but also personal and heartfelt. One to three sentences is more than enough (unless you want to write more), and it's perfectly acceptable to write similar phrases on each one.

What is the proper etiquette for funeral flowers? ›

Floral Sprays And Wreaths

Funeral flower etiquette dictates that members of the family (including the children of the deceased, their siblings, and grandchildren) take care of the spray that covers the coffin. The family may ask the funeral home director to place a small flower arrangement inside the casket.

What are the do's and don'ts of a funeral? ›

Dos and Don'ts at a Funeral
  • Do Dress Conservatively. Never attend a funeral in anything that stands out or is distracting. ...
  • Do Arrive On Time. ...
  • Do Act Normal. ...
  • Don't Sit Anywhere. ...
  • Don't Look at Your Phone. ...
  • Don't Be Scared of Religious Aspects.

What not to say at a funeral home? ›

Things you should not say at a funeral

It is advisable to avoid platitudes such as 'well, s/he had a good life' or 'they're in a better place now'. We want to try to recognise a bereaved person's grief, not to minimise or trivialise it.

What is the biggest expense of a funeral? ›

The most expensive part of a funeral is typically the basic services fee of a funeral home. The median cost of basic services fees is about $2,300.

Is $10,000 enough for a funeral? ›

An average funeral can cost between $6,000 and $10,000 depending on the burial options chosen. While that is a significant amount of money, when spread across several individuals, the expense becomes more doable.

Is $20000 enough for a funeral? ›

So, the overall average funeral costs can quickly run between $10,000 - $20,000 in total. How much does a cremation cost?

Is it rude to not send thank you cards after a funeral? ›

Sending sympathy thank you cards are a wonderful token of appreciation you can send to those who helped you in the difficult time of your loved one passing. While you certainly do not have to send them at all, those who receive them will appreciate the sentiment and effort.

Do funeral homes provide thank you notes? ›

Blank on the inside, these informal cards allow you to write a special message for each recipient. One can also order more formal, custom, printed sympathy acknowledgement cards particular to the deceased and her/his family. Both types of cards can usually be found at the funeral home.

What is the best condolence message? ›

Condolence Messages for a Friend
  • “My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear friend. ...
  • “I cannot imagine the pain and heartache you're feeling. ...
  • “Losing someone so close is so hard. ...
  • “I know that grief comes in waves. ...
  • “Be kind and gentle with yourself. ...
  • “I recall how much time you two spent together.

What flower symbolizes the death of a loved one? ›

Chrysanthemums

Asian countries see white chrysanthemums as a symbol of grief, whereas European countries view this flower as a symbol of death and only use them for memorial services or graves. In the United States, chrysanthemums are typically viewed as lighthearted flowers that honor the life of the lost loved one.

What color roses for funeral? ›

White flowers are the most commonly present at funerals. This traditional color choice represents honor, peace, and innocence. Pink is considered a respectful color choice, used to express gentleness and sympathy. Red flowers symbolize love, as well as beauty and strength.

Should I send flowers to a funeral home or house? ›

Funeral homes may have different times or procedures to bring in arrangements, so it is best to coordinate with them on when delivery should occur. You can always send flowers to the family's home. It is never too early or too late to send flowers to the family's home.

What is the order of family at a funeral? ›

The spouse is first, accompanied by children. Parents and siblings would be next, followed by extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc). Where should immediate family sit at a funeral? The immediate family members sit in the front rows.

Is it rude to not view the body at a funeral? ›

Viewing the deceased

If you choose not to view, but have been invited personally by the family to do so, it is perfectly ok to thank them for the gesture but politely decline. If you do decide to view the body, be aware that the person will be recognisable but will probably not look like they did when they were alive.

Who pays for dinner after a funeral? ›

The cost of the repast is usually covered by the loved one's family, though a fraternity or sorority group, Sunday school class, trade union or other group your loved one belonged to might sponsor the repast as a gift to the family.

Who should not attend a funeral? ›

If you've had a tumultuous relationship with your parents or family members, it may be better to not attend. If you're an ex-spouse or partner of the deceased and won't be welcomed by their current family, that might also be a reason to not go to the funeral.

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